Safe spaces

01/04/25 

My safe space has been infiltrated. Once again mother has moved people into my house, upon finding out all I could think is "damn not this shit again". Its been the holidays, I always find the holidays tough, its too much time stuck in that house. I know there's been difficulties in the studio lately but I'm still always there because its better for me than the alternative. Writing the report has been somewhat of a saving grace, a reason for me to solely stay in my room, away from the chaos of the rest of the house. I mean all the noise has made it more difficult to actually focus on writing but hey, I'm used to that by now. I would rather write 10 more reports than spend time in the rest of that house, the lady that has moved in doesn’t seem right to me, the backstory doesn’t make sense, there's 2 extra dogs, bags everywhere. The house is just gross now, a bad smell throughout the whole place, dirty food left out in the kitchen.  After all the bad incidents and literal grief that happened last year it just fills me with disbelief that she would do it again, she never learns. My bedroom has previously been a safe space for me, now its my only space, I mean at least its clean and smells good but now I'm slightly trapped there, my room has become my a laundrette, a kitchen, a hideout. I think the thing that's getting to me most is the bathroom, I've spoken on my blog before about how important the bathroom is to me, the bath is my church, my place of calm and thinking. Now I just feel uncomfortable there, I cant relax, it feels dirty and tainted. I mean the whole house does, I don't particularly feel safe or comfortable but hey that's not really anything new. I need a job, I need to get out of there, I guess this only serves as more motivation to so.